Found this little gem, from who knows when, hanging out in my drafts:

Did you know that if you reverse the words “poop” and “cramp” and then make them into one word you get “pooppmarc?” Which, to me, is funny. But that doesn’t mean much because I find a lot of things funny that most people don’t think are funny. And I’m not saying that to appear mysterious or cool or more underground than you. I am not. I am boring and you are boring and together we are still boring (but possibly a little less boring). Which is maybe what agoraphobes tell themselves to justify staying inside all the time and ordering their groceries from Peapod. By the way, who the fuck decided to call a grocery delivery service “Peapod”? Peapod backwards is Dopeap- not as funny as poopmarc. In the 1990’s my dad drove a Mark IIIV. It smelled like new leather, which makes me wonder if that is what cows smell like when it is hot outside? Or maybe that is what they smell like when they get nervous. Anyway, my dad would say, “Turn on telephone” and then a lady’s voice would appear and ask him who he would like to call. If he said, “Call Big Momma,” the telephone would dial the telephone number to Ricobene’s which at the time was the restaurant he owned. I thought it was really cool. I also was really fat because I had access to unlimited breaded steak sandwiches, cheese pizza, and fresh-cut fries. The word “fries” is very close to the word “fried” and I am surprised that does not turn people off, seeing as everyone nowadays is concerned with health and their weight- mostly their weight. But everyone takes an elevator when they only need to go up or down one floor. Except me. I take the stairs when I can. It started after I couldn’t walk for a while because my left knee was swollen with arthritic juices or whatever. As a result, I am pretty sure my left leg is a little less stronger and my left butt cheek is a millimeter lower than my right butt cheek. I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’ve always heard that beauty is more beautiful when it is symmetrical, so my butt cheeks probably aren’t very beautiful. My ears are not symmetrical, but I don’t care if they are beautiful or not. Also, my nostrils aren’t the same, which I used to be self-conscious about. I don’t care anymore. I guess my apathy comes along with age and wisdom and blah blah blah KILL ME NOW. I have learned to accept my big nostrils because I can stick large highlighters up them and they stay there- RESISTING GRAVITY.